This. Is. Why. I. Am. Single.
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If you’ve been single for a while, then you’ve probably been asked the question a tone of times
Why are you single?
I always went for the same type of guys – good guys with a little bit of rough, or rough with a bit of good.
I’ve been single for a long time – I won’t even reveal how long because its sad that a young, professional woman who is in touch with her emotions but very well-connected (she says), is unable to find the key to her lock.
I am not looking for the ‘perfect guy’ because I am not perfect. I’m looking for someone who compliments me. Not a lot to ask for right?!
I am single because I always go for the same types of guys and I decided to stop giving them ‘a chance’ in the hope that maybe they will realise they struck gold. A very dear friend of mine told me that a man will only change if he wants to and not because a woman is trying to change him.
Some people say the good guys finish last, or something like that. However, I’ve tried the good ones and they are boring. Not because they’re not rough but because they don’t get me, or even try. I want someone who will try to get what’s on my mind without being taking advantage. Many of my single female friends share similar views.
I discussed this with my cousin and she said it’s not that these men are ‘good’ because otherwise that would be a good choice. It’s that some guys are not outgoing enough, passionate enough, confident enough to compliment your gregarious character, and you don’t want to have to minimise yourself to appease a wallflower. Point made.
I am single because, some might say – because my location is unsettled. I lived in Birmingham my entire life. Five years ago I moved 300 miles to Kent for work. Less than two years later I moved to London where I lived for three years. I thought I’d meet someone as soon as I moved to London because I was a real social bunny. Even when I lived in Kent, some evenings and most weekends were spent in London. But nope – still single.
Maybe it’s a Caribbean thing but my uncle and a few people in Nevis asked me or told me that I might be into girls because I was single or not interested in them. Nope – wrong again. Just because I’ve been single for a while, does not mean that I am into the opposite sex, neither does it mean that just because I am not into a man who approaches me and I am not interested. This does not mean that I or other females are suddenly anti-men, it means you are just not serious enough for me to give you attention. It means I have a choice not to put up with your b*ll crap from the beginning.
I’m still single because for some reason, I still attract the same type of man like a magnet but it doesn’t compliment my personality. When I am approached, it’s usually by the men that have a bit of rough and a little smooth. The guy that says ‘let’s do the dirty and act like it never happened’ but the same guy that shows concern when I’m bereaved. Thanks for the concern but I’ll pass on the bike-shed thank you.
That silly question that elders always ask is ‘why are you still single’, well simply because I’m not in a relationship. It’s not that hard to understand.
When I was weighing up the pros and cons of living on Nevis island for a break to reset myself, my single status was one of the things on the scales. I questioned, if I leave the country, then that delays my chances of finding a man in the UK. I questioned, what if I meet someone the week before I’m due to leave and this is my last chance? My answer – well in the X number of years I’ve been single I haven’t found anyone so even if I stayed in the UK, it still wasn’t a guarantee (then goes and books flight).
I often found that I started to question MYSELF. Am I ‘too much’…of a woman? Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie addresses this when she says that if a man feels she’s too much woman then he isn’t the man for her – yes this, in a nutshell. Kudos! Am I… too confident? I mean if you approach me and I speak up, does this intimidate you? I used to question whether my red hair put men off…like is this the type of woman you want to bring home to your momma? Reverts back to Chimamanda – he’s definitely not the one for me, so on your bike. In Chimamanda’s words,
I want to be respected in all of my feminity
In the book What I Know For Sure, Oprah says who you’re meant to be evolves from where you are right now. Therefore I won’t settle for someone who is not evolving with me or the times. If this intimidates you, then sorry not sorry but respect is necessary.
There’s a soca song by Orlando Octave that sings “plenty gyal have man, acting like they single”. I’m not even try to act – it just is what it is!
What are some of the reasons that you are still single? Can you even identify the reasons? For me it’s just the lack of a man who compliments and respects me. Am I being too picky because I want to be with a man who wants to know what my dreams are?
Leave your comments below.