“Living with a man and unmarried; am I still a Christian?”
This guest post is by Nicole V. Andrew of @callmewordsmith (Instagram). The @callmewordsmith page offers a range of bespoke writing services. Nicole opens up about “Living with a man and unmarried; am I still a Christian?” which is a personal account of my personal predicament; living with a man ‘in sin’ though still a strong believer, battling the views held by others on my relationship and living situation; battling even the views I have about myself.
Am I still a Christian?
I once saw an old interview given by the former PM Margaret Thatcher, where she described a Christian as someone with God given free will. Many a gospel artist describe Christians as sinners with God given grace, and my dear aunty would go that step further to give a description of someone filled with and redeemed by the holy spirit. On the surface, I think I pretty much match these descriptions; problem solved right? Well, throw in the mix the fact that yes, I am all these things, I read my bible and go to church regularly, but I live with a man I am not yet married to; what’s your opinion now? Living with a man and unmarried; am I still a Christian?
I’m not married
So let me give a little background knowledge here. I am engaged, with every intention of sealing the deal, we just haven’t well, sealed it yet (the reasons for this are multiple and will have to be saved for another post!). It was never my intention mind you, to live with a man before marriage, but it just ended up that way.
My parents live way away on an island not too far from where the founder of Melanin Mind Soul currently is and I do not have many close relatives in the UK. My Caribbean parents actually gave me their blessing to move in with my fiancé, which is down to both their liberal nature and also their appreciation that he would be a guardian to me out here on these cold streets. Even my fiance’s African family also posed no objection to our decision, which is a little against African values, but they had long accepted me as one of their own.
I can’t be a Christian
My fiancé is also a church going, prayerful believer, but unlike me he has always been at peace in his mind about us being Christians; yes we are! God knows the intention of our heart and our future plans he often says. I always thought otherwise on the other hand. Yes, I am a sinner saved by grace and all the other nice definitions given above, but doesn’t the bible say that, ahem, fornication is a sin, and that a woman and man should not live under the same roof unless married? It doesn’t help that those around me have also added their arrows of persecution: “He [my fiancé] can’t enjoy the milk without wanting to buy the whole cow” – that was the most recent one I might add, last week to be exact! “He [my poor fiancé again] can’t be a Christian if he’s living with you”; “When are you going to get married? You call yourself a Christian!”. Ummm, this doesn’t help…
Related: DAfrican Lady – The Pressure To Get Married: When Can I Bring Out My Agbádá? [guest post]
Hmmm, maybe I am…
After living with my fiancé for some years,the lightbulb moment only came this year funnily enough. I decided to try a new hair salon and got talking to the stylist, as you do. I had never met the woman before, but I must say that no one had spoken to my soul like that for a while, I needed that.
Without telling her too many details about my current situation, she was able to somehow see through me and told me a few true stories and home truths to confirm that yes babygirl, you are indeed still a Christian! She is a woman of God herself and reminded me, as my fiancé often tried to do, that God is an understanding God and even a businessman is some aspects and that he knows my personal circumstance and does not judge as man often does. I guess I needed an outsider to confirm this. Not many men these days have the mindset of marriage she said, and if you find someone that does, don’t push him away with your own insular views.
As I’ve said, the reasons behind my long engagement are a tad complicated, but I trust my journey and I know that I will be a ‘wifey for lifey’ sometime soon!
Do you have any views on this topic? Do you disagree with my oracle or do you have a similar experience to me? Please leave your comments below.
Melanin Mind Soul’s creator, Dominique, has kindly allowed this guest post created by Nicole V. Andrew of @callmewordsmith (Instagram).
…Oooo a bit #controversial🙈…But do you agree?..I have to be honest and say that at work, my male counterparts do often get me to #proofread their emails and letters to ensure their content is not too abrasive, if they are trying to achieve a more ‘delicate’ message #awomanstouch😉…Want to know more?…Could do with my #services?…Comment or DM me for more information on my #writingservice…Sincerely yours, Ms. N. V. Andrew💋…#callmewordsmith #ukletterwritingservice #atyourservice #uksmallbiz #atsocialmedia
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